I spent the entire day Sunday playing catch up and it feels amazing!
I feel I'm getting way more out of my reading now and actually sitting! Interesting self observation is that IF I get behind I feel like giving up - though I do not give up, I do take a while to get back on creating a bigger gap and more anxiety. Hmmm where did I learn that?
Starting to realize everything is within. I make choices.. actually my habits do, and even my responses and reactions are habits and that terrifies me. I am going this way and that in my head.
Loving this week's (and last week's sit) ... always loved looking at close up and especially things in reverse. As we work on making a baby it is super cool to understand HOW it happens... not that part ;) Being healthy, having all the parts, timing and so much more. Myself and choices I've made throughout my life that brought me to here... why I want to be a parent and so much more!
Next thought.....
To know what I want, why I want it, what I am doing and why I am doing it is the ultimate question I am asking myself right now.
I have control over my situations, my feelings, my emotions right? Um....NO I really don't, not yet ;)
I have been known to sabotage my personal success, even though I am all about affirmations, worthiness, reading, meditating etc... it is such a tough habit to break and yet when I admit that it seems I am making that 'groove' in my head deeper which is opposite of what I want.
I currently have a foundation, I am president of my Toastmasters, run a growing team in my networking company, help my husband with our construction company, am a terrific dog owner walking 2x a day rain or shine (sharing with hubby) I am involved heavily in personal development and it seems, many friends, business partners, customers, followers want to hear my story. "You could write a book" I hear so often and yet, "If only you knew" runs through my head. What I mean is... YES I have an amazing story, and I ask myself if I choose to tell it, why? 'What is my intention?'
That I needed to suffer to succeed? That things must be bad to be good. That the world can be harsh? That I struggled? Well, this is only my experience - why would I want others to think difficulties need to happen? AND if I do tell my story (in my perspective) what is the cost? I mean really, many people that I love with all my heart, in fact many are the most important people in my life. I have since forgiven them and we are love now but IF I leverage that story to build myself up or others the ones I love will be hurt. Why would I do that? IF I am honest about my story as I remember it - a lot of people will be saddened, shocked, even offer pity or sympathy and that is NOT what I want. I struggle with the balance of telling a story of victim (childhood) and making it victor- I don't want people to think they can't have what I have because they didn't live as I lived and yet I want them to know they can have anything... regardless.
I guess ultimately, this post is about love. I have love, I give love, I need love, I believe in love. I am love. Love is all there is. Love always wins. Love is everything.
No comments:
Post a Comment